The Grace Fueled Wife: Christian Marriage Podcast | Rebuild Emotional Intimacy | Healthy Communication | Conflict Resolution

152 | 4 Mistakes women make when trying to save their marriage

If you're anything like me you have probably made one (or more) of these 4 mistakes when trying to save your marriage. The key is now that you're aware of it, what will you do to fix those mistakes in the future? 
 
1 - Trying to do it alone (without any help or guidance) 
2 - Focus only on your husband's mistakes and faults
3 - Live in fear (rather than in your faith)
4- Give up their power!
Need help with that? I got you!!
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E151// Are You Over-helping Your Husband? Empower Him To Do More Around The House With These Tips

Are you TIRED of having to carry the workload of keeping up with the daily chores of your home and trying to simultaneously balance ALL the other things? Yep, I’ve been there! I’m here to help with a few quick tips that are guaranteed to lighten your load and empower your partner to support youWhen thinking about how to go from doing it all on your own to sharing the load with your partner, it starts with communication. It can be as simple as you telling your husband directly how you feel and what you need from him.  
Inside The Grace Fueled Marriage Method Course, we call this an “I” statement. “I feel ______(insert emotion) when______.”“I feel overwhelmed when I see the dishes in the sick. Can you help me?” Let’s ditch the passive-aggressive tendencies and strive to be direct in our communication. Let him know how this feeling impacts how you are able to show up for him. “I would like to ___ (the thing he wants) without ____ (bad behavior you are doing) so that we can ____.”“I would like to have company over without yelling at you when I’m frustrated so that we can enjoy having time with our friends.”
 
Remember, if he actually helps, respond in gratitude and let go of perfection. It doesn’t have to be your way, it just needs to be done. RESOURCES:EP74: How to get what you want without nagging.
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E150// Help! I’m Thinking About Leaving Him But God Hates Divorce.

If you’ve felt stuck in your marriage because you're so unhappy that you've thought about leaving your husband but know that God hates divorce, this episode is for you!
This is one of my most frequently asked questions. As Christian women, we're committed to our marriages but sometimes, the conviction we feel as a Christian wife leads us to feel stuck or trapped. 
In this episode, we review some questions to ask yourself to help bring some clarity. 1- Have you given him a safe place to share?
2- Have you taken the time to heal your OWN trauma?3- Have you taken time to work on your marital friendship?4- Have you set strong boundaries and communicated them clearly?
We can not expect to receive what we are not willing to give. In what areas have we fallen short? If you’re staying together for the kids, the appearances, the ease, it’s time to take inventory, my friend. Ask yourself these questions and sit with God for the answers.
Let Him tell you if you're blameless. It's our job to go where God leads and surrender the outcome to him. Whatever the answer is will truly be the best thing for you!
RESOURCES MENTIONED:Book: Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. John Townsend & Henry CloudCourse: The Grace Fueled Marriage Method 
________________
 
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Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
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E149// Are you paranoid to find something inappropriate in your husband’s phone or computer? Try this to cope.

Have you found yourself operating out of a place of fear within your marriage? Maybe you have a fear of finding something inappropriate on your spouse’s phone or computer. This is extremely common in marriages, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy! 
Last week, we chatted about triggers as part of our boundaries series. It’s possible that the reason you’re feeling fear around this could be that this topic is a sensitive trigger in your marriage. Infidelity, past transgressions, and more could all be contributing to this fear.
If you’re feeling triggered, ask yourself these questions.  Is this a boundary that has been communicated? Was the boundary communicated clearly?What are the consequences if the boundary is not held?
We can communicate the boundary, but it’s HIS choice whether he is going to hold that boundary. We have to ask ourselves…How much are we trying to control? How much control do we need to let go of? We are likely holding onto control because of the fear of something that has happened in the past repeating itself, or because trust has been broken within your relationship. Let’s go a little deeper. There is a possibility that the fear is rooted in your need to protect yourself from harm. This is your brain’s way of keeping you safe. However, if you can focus on perfect love and forgiveness, this will drive out all fear. Fear can not exist where there is perfect love. LINKS MENTIONED: 
Restored 2 More
E46 - How to heal from Infidelity and my husband's porn addiction w. Restored2More Clint & Chastity Munoz
 
https://www.instagram.com/restored2more/?hl=en
Website: https://restored2more.com/
________________
 
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Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
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E148// Are you afraid to feel triggered in your relationship? 2 Tips to handle your triggers with grace

Haven't we all been there? Everything is going great in our marriage and one day he says or does something to trigger you, emotions run high and all of a sudden you're back on the crazy cycle of fighting again. 
This week we learn to handle those triggers with grace. We talk about getting curious instead of reacting as well as learn how we can start setting and enforcing boundaries without being manipulative. 
 
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Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
Work with me:
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E147// 3 ways to safeguard your marriage

Are you looking to safeguard your marriage against contempt, disconnection, or even infidelity? Here are three steps proven to help!
1- Keep it Private:
Be sure to share with only a select circle of friends but don't be so private that you perpetuate the lie that everyone should live happily ever after. 
2- Watch your text messages and phone calls
Do the two of you REALLY need to be texting/ calling people of the opposite sex? I break it down for you here!
3- Prioritize your friendship:
How do you expect to grow old with him if you don't even like him? Work on improving your emotional intimacy!!!
 
 
Wait!!! Before you go! 
Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
Join my community on Facebook - The Grace Fueled Wives Club https://www.facebook.com/groups/GraceFueledWifeCommunity
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EP146// Not connecting in marriage? This is what you may be missing.

Sometimes marriage counselors get it wrong. I know that's a bold statement, and you might be wondering what I mean by that. But have you ever felt like your counseling "didn't work?" 
I have. 
In this week's episode, we're breaking down what marriage counselors can get wrong and what you may be missing in your marriage.  
What your marriage truly needs is an emotional connection if you want your marriage to thrive. This means intimacy and the ability to be vulnerable without fear.
Tune in for my tips on having the most effective sessions for you and your spouse. 
 
 
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Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
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EP145// How to Get Your Husband to Go to Marriage Counseling with Dana Che

In today's episode with Dana Che, we hear about her own marriage testimony, about the marital problems she and her husband faced, and how they overcame them through the help of the Holy Spirit.
We touch on the differences between marriage counseling and therapy versus marriage coaching. Ultimately each are important in different times and seasons. However, the main difference is counseling is talking about the problem, and coaching is finding solutions and results for the goals you have as a couple.
We dive into the question of how to get your husband to go to marriage counseling. The main question is why do you want your husband to go, what are the issues your marriage is facing, and can they be addressed through other means? Once we know our goal, we can work our way backwards to get there.
Men are often reluctant to go to counseling, but they may be open to reading a book together, listening to a podcast, or going to dinner with another couple who may provide insight into your situation.
If your marriage absolutely needs outside help, allow your husband to be a part of the process in choosing a counselor. Put the ball in his court. If he isn’t interested, offer some suggestions and let him choose. If he is adamant against it, this is where prayer comes in. 
Pray for God to change your spouse's heart, continue to love your husband right where he is, and allow the Holy Spirit to soften that hard heart.
Ultimately it's up to God's timeline. We can't control our husbands, and will waste so much time trying to. Rather, we should suggest turning the focus on yourself, on ways you can improve and relinquishing that control over to God. In both of our testimonies as well as countless others, the change didn't come until we let go, and let God.
 
You can Follow Dana Che on Instagram and her website.
 
 
Wait!!! Before you go! 
Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
Join my community on Facebook - The Grace Fueled Wives Club https://www.facebook.com/groups/GraceFueledWifeCommunity
Become an Insider and get updates on all the podcast news: https://thegracefueledwife.com/insider

EP 144// How to Divorce Proof Your Marriage

We are wrapping up our series on intimacy this week. Today, we're talking about the number one way to divorce-proof your marriage. You can have all of the communication tools in the world, but if you fail to do this one thing, your marriage could be at risk. 
The number one way to divorce-proof your marriage is by making deposits as a couple into the love tank of your marriage. The idea is to consistently make deposits into the tank. Then, in difficult times, you can pull from the reserves, and there will be enough leftover to sustain you. 
When a couple only makes withdrawals, eventually the tank runs dry, and small disagreements can become full-blown arguments.  
My goal is to help you prevent that from happening. We are all human, and we will inevitably fail our spouse in some way. However, when there is love left in the tank, it is far more likely we will give each other grace and move forward.
 
 
Wait!!! Before you go! 
Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
Join my community on Facebook - The Grace Fueled Wives Club https://www.facebook.com/groups/GraceFueledWifeCommunity
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E143// Three Ways to Improve Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy in a marriage is something we all want and need, but we don't always prioritize it. If you are looking for tips on how to reignite intimacy in your marriage, today's podcast episode is for you!
 
I touch on three tangible ways you can build more intimacy with your spouse in your marriage today.
 
1. Building Trust
When you have trust in your marriage, you know your spouse has your best interest at heart, and you are on the same team. You know they aren't going to hurt you, physically or emotionally. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and the only way to be truly vulnerable with your spouse is to have that shared trust.
 
2. You Can Complain But You Can't Criticize
In order to build intimacy in your marriage, you need to be able to express your feelings. You can't have trust and safety, if you feel like your voice isn't being heard. The goal is to express frustrations with a specific action of your spouse rather than attacking their character. By attacking your spouse's character, it puts them on the defensive, and it breaks the trust in your marriage. When you are complaining, you are talking about the action. When you are criticizing, you are talking about their character. 
 
3. Focus on Shared AND Individual Interests
For intimacy in marriage to thrive, you both need to feel comfortable to pursue your own interests. This may seem counterintuitive, but by having separate interests, it shows you respect your spouse enough to allow him to be his own person, and vice-versa. By giving your spouse freedom (within the boundaries of your marriage), you are showing that you respect his individuality. You can then come back together and enjoy your shared interests.
 
 
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Here are some ways you can work with me or become a part of my community!
 
Work with me:
Schedule a 45 min 1:1 coaching call: https://thegracefueledwife.com/coaching
Not ready to work with me yet? These are some ways to learn about me for free. 
Join my community on Facebook - The Grace Fueled Wives Club https://www.facebook.com/groups/GraceFueledWifeCommunity
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